This is a hard post to write. Friday December 15th we got the call the family had been dreading for many years. My brother was found and unfortunately he had passed. He was 37, and just one month shy of 38.
While being close in age (a little over two and a half years older), it would seem we never had a strong connection. This past week of reflection memories of the small similarities we did share have been coming to light.
It’s taken me many attempts to write this post. So I’d like to share one memory that stands out the strongest, and possibly followup when I feel strong enough to write more.
Connection through music
Unsure of the exact time, but in 2003 I recall hanging out in my bedroom (in my parents house) one evening. I kind of recall one friend being over, but that detail seems unimportant. I do recall it being early evening since I had my light in dim mode, and my blacklights we’re on. My brother knocked on my door (maybe he just walked in) and asked if I had heard of this new band “The Mars Volta”. I replied no, and he went back to his room and brought the CD back with him. I took a look at the album and it read “De-Loused in the Comatorium“.
I’m not sure how many times we listened to it, but looking back, I can see the shock and awww, not only on his face but mine. As a matter of fact, I am not sure how many times we proceeding to listen to that album together, but I am sure we did.
There is more memories and specific details that have been bouncing around my head, but this one is at the top. As I put the album back on and reflected back on life the song Inertiatic ESP stood out, and the lyrics hit close to home. I’d like to share them here, and hope that my brother has found peace, and is no longer lost in the world.
Now I’m lost…now I am lost.
Last night I heard lepors
Flinch like birth defects
It’s musk was fecal in origin
As the words dribbled off of its chin,
It said, “I’m lost……..now I am lost……”
Dolls wreck the minced meat of pupils
Cast in oblong arms length
The hooks have been picking their scabs
Where wolves hide in the company of men
It said, “I’m lost…..now I am lost…….”
Are you peaking in the red ?
Perforated at the neck.
What of this mongrel architect
A broken arm of sewers set
Past present and future tense
Clip side of the pink eyed fountain
“Now I’m lost……now I am lost”
It’s been said, long time agoThe Mars Volta – De-Loused In The Comatorium lyrics
You’ll be the first and last to know
You’ll never know….you’ll never know.
May there be abundant peace from heaven, and a good life for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.